Day Two KY CLASSIC

Written by: Jonsey

Day 2

Indiana: 15 – 9

Having finished 2^nd in their pool on Day 1, Ghetto arrived at the fields on Day 2 to face the #1 overall seed of the tournament in the first round of the championship bracket. For the second day in a row, Ghetto came out in the first half of game one flatter than Butters’ chest. The wind was tremendous, and sloppy play by Ghetto combined with a formidable zone by Indiana caused Ghetto to be rolled in a half for the first time all season. Led by a 5^th year handler with a Mohawk that simply defied physics with its rigidity, Indiana schooled Ghetto up and down the field and eventually took half 8 – 2. During halftime, the Force decided to get their respective heads out of their respective John Brown hind parts and start actually playing Ultimate. The second half turned into a much more competitive game, involving several up-wind breaks by Ghetto thanks to Ghetto’s ever impressive zone-D. The game ended at a disappointing but respectable score of 15 – 9.

Miami: 15 – 6

The loss to Indiana meant Ghetto would be demoted to the 5^th place bracket. Ghetto’s first opponent in this bracket was to be the archrival Boogie Men of Miami (the Ohio Miami, not the cool one Will Smith raps about). A full Ghetto squad had defeated roughly half of Miami’s squad at Boogie Nights earlier in the season. Now, the situation was to essentially be reversed; A Ghetto squad missing many key components was to face a nearly full Miami team. Ghetto was determined to put in a performance that would grant them a final statement win in what so far had been a disappointing weekend. The Force came out strong early, once again employing zone-D to great effect. Miami’s handlers were simply overwhelmed by Ghetto’s stifling D, and it quickly became clear that Ghetto would once again roll their rivals from Oxford (Again, the Ohio Oxford, not the impressive British one). Miami waved the white flag early and Ghetto took the game 15 – 6.

Huxedo: 15 – 7

Ghetto’s final task in order to wrap up 5^th place (and an awesome trophy with lots of goodies inside) was to defeat the alumni team Huxedo. As a token alumni team, Huxedo had a few studs who could huck like champs, a couple guys who could run, and a bunch of fat dudes. Nonetheless, Huxedo looked to be a formidable opponent. Ghetto was now down yet another player; senior Eric Hegedus had been lost mid-day to vicious flesh-eating bacteria. This meant an even thinner Ghetto lineup had to muster the energy to end the weekend with a win. The Force came out very strong and quickly took a 5 – 0 lead. However, fatigue and overly pacifist play by Ghetto allowed Huxedo to make a run and get back into the game, bringing the score within to 2 points. After a sloppy point, Ghetto took half on a huck from Zack “The Dog Wisperer” Kaylor to Mark “Squirrel” Fedorenko that was as delicious to watch at mama Gueltzow’s cheesy potatoes are to eat. The second half remained decently close, but increased intensity by Ghetto meant the game would never really be in question. A highlight of the second half came when senior Brian Jones made what was by far his greatest defensive play of the season; With yet another Phil Brodrick pull pinning Huxedo on the corner of their own goal line, Ghetto threw their zone D with Adam “cookie monster” Tardio marking, and Jones playing the break-side wing. After several fakes the handler with the disc called a foul on Tardio, stopping play. In the short break, Jones shouted to Tardio that he personally guaranteed the handler with the disc would not even dare to attempt to throw an I.O. flick dump given the wind, and thus Tardio should shift farther to his right when marking. The handler heard this guarantee, shot Jones a nasty glare, and proceeded to check in the disc. Immediately, the handler attempted to throw an I.O. flick dump. As expected, the throw horribly turfed, giving Ghetto the disc on their opponent’s goal line. Mid-mid Zack Kaylor turned to Jones, and the two shared a hearty laugh over Jones’ ability to so effectively manipulate the handlers’ feeble mind. Ghetto punched in the score, and the game ended soon after on a great grab by Josh “Pretty Boy Swag” Weitz on a questionable huck from Captain Phil Brodrick. Ghetto took the fifth place showdown by a score of 15 – 7.

After a hard fought weekend filled with many ups and downs, Ghetto headed to the Gueltzow household to stuff their respective faces with scrumptious southern cooking and watch a kid younger than many of them totally screw up the back nine of the final round of the masters. Ghetto is primed for the impending Conference Championships next weekend, and is excited to continue their streak of domination.

Kentucky Classic

Written by: Jonsey

Kentucky Classic

Kentucky Classic - Ghetto’s final warm-up tournament before the inaugural conference championships the following weekend. Ghetto Force ventured down to the bluegrass state to expand on their stellar 13 – 1 record and build some solid momentum for conference championships. Ghetto would not be entering the weekend at full strength however; Eric Reynolds, Scott Ulrich, and Troy Wiegand would not be available to lend their talents either day, and Pat Bello would only be attending the second day of the tournament. Nonetheless, Ghetto expected a weekend replete with victory as sweet as mama Gueltzow’s homemade tea.

Purdue – B: 13 – 5

Ghetto’s first game of the tournament was to be against the cleverly named “Undue Perversity”, the bottom seed in Ghetto’s pool. This particular B team was lead by a handler who might as well have had the letters R-O-T-C tattooed across his forehead (or possibly lower back, tramp stamps are very in this year…). The jersey tucked into the shorts, the closely cropped hairstyle, and the poorly suppressed aggression let Ghetto know early on that they would be facing a member of the armed services who would not enjoy his team getting totally owned. Sadly for him, Ghetto has a nasty habit of doing just that. Purdue – B was a team far inferior in every enumerable respect, however this disparity in ability did not lead to the first half trouncing one would expect. Despite two mighty D’s by senior Alex Frasz on the first point, Purdue took a 1 – 0 lead on Ghetto early, and a very sloppy and uninspired half of Ultimate ended with Ghetto leading a much lesser team just 7 – 4. However, the great and powerful Discos (patron god of Ultimate and all things disc related) was clearly appeased by Ghetto’s sacrifice of a Wham-O disc two nights before, and looked favorably upon the team that morning. At halftime Discos brought about a storm the likes of which the Louisville soccer park had never seen, delaying all games for several hours. After weathering the monsoon, Ghetto took the field with newfound desire and focus. The second half of the game was the “uber n00b pwnage” that one would expect, and Ghetto stomped Purdue-B and their ROTC leader 13 – 5.

Kentucky: 13 – 2

The next opponent for the Force on the day was the University of Kentucky. Kentucky’s jerseys boast the classic cobalt blue that the school in famous for. The blue may be a tribute to Kentucky’s label as the “Bluegrass State”, or recognition of the blue people who live in the back woods of the state and get a little too familiar with their cousins (who knows?). Ghetto expected a tough game from this team that resembled a group of Smurfs; Kentucky had defeated Ghetto Force twice in the 2010 season, including a hotly contested game at sectionals. Ghetto’s expectations, however, were far from met. Categorizing the game as a “competition” would be using the term very loosely; it was more akin to a slaughter. Ghetto established their dominance early and never looked back. Mostly due to Kentucky having the emotional maturity of a bunch of seven-year old girl scouts, the game nearly came to blows a short ways into the second half. After a strike cut and a subsequent up field throw by Kentucky’s short-tempered center handler, senior handler Eric Hegedus had the audacity to call a travel, simply because the guy traveled. Kentucky’s handler, insulted by the assertion that he could possibly do anything wrong on an ultimate field, hotly contested the call. After “lively” discussion, the disc went back to the thrower, who proceeded to attempt the exact same throw he had previously, except this time the disc sailed into the air and resulted in yet another turn for Kentucky. Ghetto’s opponent continued to commit and contest blatant fouls and dispute obvious calls despite being down by an insurmountable margin. In the end, Ghetto beat their less than honorable foes by an embarrassing score of 13 – 2.

Tennessee Tech: 13 – 1

Ghetto’s third game of the day would easily be their least competitive of the day. Tech was simply not in the same league of skill as Ghetto Force, and seemed quite content to allow Ghetto to impose their will. The game included everything you would expect from Ghetto; Phil hucked, Butters skyed, Kayor got D’s, and Jeff Geise made comments that brought his heterosexuality into further question. The game finished at an easy 13 – 1 victory for Ghetto.

Cincinnati: 10 – 13

Ghetto’s final game of the day was to be a decisive one for the tournament. A win would allow Ghetto a much easier opponent in round one the following day than would a loss. Furthermore, Cinci is a team in Ghetto’s conference with whom Ghetto will be competing for a spot at the Regional Championships. Furthermore again, the supreme disc-tator Kim Jong Phil Brodrick has a tremendous familiarity with many players on the Cincinnati team, making the game personal. All in all, there was much for Ghetto to play for. After snatching the first score, Ghetto went through a bit of a rough patch of play, dropping the next three points to fall to a 3 – 1 deficit. After a timeout, Ghetto scrapped their way back into the game, routinely tying the score in a very back and forth game. The most significant moment of the first half came about when super-senior Jeff Giese attempted to cut more sharply than his old body would allow, causing him to go down with a severe owie on his ankle. Already being without four of its cutters, Ghetto was heavily hampered by the loss. Tied at 5 – 5, Ghetto endured an extremely lengthy point replete with easy drops, stupid throw aways, and overall poor play. Cinci eventually took the point, an emotional blow from which Ghetto could never fully recover. As the second half progressed, the game began to get away from the tremendously depleted Ghetto Force. Patrick “Peaches” Kaufman (aka. Virgin) made several valiant efforts to keep Ghetto in the game; a couple ridiculous skys coupled with ferocious lay-out D’s by the stud freshman helped keep the game competitive. However, it proved to be too little too late, and Ghetto was forced to suffer just its second loss of the season 13 – 10.

After a long, tumultuous, and slightly disappointing Day 1, the exhausted Ghetto Force returned to the homes of B-team captain Ross “April Madness Champ” Goozlow and Ghetto alumn Brad “Backflip” Walchak to enjoy some food, and for some engage in the epic battle of resources know as Settlers of Catan.