The UPA is now "USA Ultimate"!!

The UPA is now "USA Ultimate"!!
The UPA has changed its name from the UPA(the Ultimate Players Association) to USA Ultimate

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

The Beginning of Strike Force Ultimate!

In an unprecedented move in Collegiate Club Sports - a merger of 2 separate schools has been approved by Ryan Gorman of USAU, the current president of the NCAA, and former first lady Barbara Bush - Wright State Air Strike and UD Ghetto Force will be combining into a new Ultimate team called STRIKE FORCE.

This deal had been in the works for at least 2 months following anger with poor attendance due to shit weather. The new combined squad will be led following a fight to the death using bladed discs. Just like in the best movie of all time, Highlander, the winner will be imbued with omniscience and gigantic mullet like hair.

The move was no surprise for Wright State standout Matthew Mullenkamp who stated, "I've wanted to go to UD for years now but due to contractual obligations I could not get a release from the team. I am excited to play as Dayton's premier college ultimate squad".

The alumni have not been informed yet in order to make sure the new team development is not hampered by excessive heckling and Anchorman type gang brawls on the sideline or in the streets of the Gem city.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Spring Awakening

It's that time of year when allergies run wild as well as Ultimate delusions of grandeur. Morning practices are over - there is a God.

When 50 degrees might as well be 80 degrees.

When the sight of the sun elicits an undeniable desire to say, "suns out, guns out"

It was this same time last year that Peaches mastered the Bro-tank under quarter-zip combo that no one has since dared recreate. 

When the team blogger gets lazy and chooses wearisome, generalized titles to describe the season.

This weekend the B-Team, captained by Lou Ferigno, heads down to Miami University to play in the annual "Boogie Nights" tournament. The A team will be sending down some dudes as well to get some playing time. 

The boys have been putting away the sweatpants, shining their sperry's, and popping their collars in order to ensure better camouflage on the campus of J. Crew U. I wonder if this has explained the more recent decline in the performance of Miami's team as running in boat shoes on grass is actually quite difficult. Also, it's hard to decide exactly which pastel color will be used for the team Ultimate jerseys, resulting in a huge rift in team morale. I imagine their shorts this year will have sailfish or lobsters adorning them.

I'm just playing Miami. 

That last paragraph was out of want for your Bagel Deli. Also, our Spikeball set from winning in 2012 broke and we want another one. Can we claim it was still under warranty?

Monday, March 3, 2014


I cannot fathom the loss that Carleton College has experienced this weekend. 3 Carleton College (CUT) players died and 2 others were injured in a horrific car accident. We played Carleton just a few weeks ago in Florida.

I am at a (quite rare) loss for words.

I wish to speak for our own small Ultimate community when I extend my condolences to Carleton College. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Rest in Peace,
James Adams, Michael Goodgame, and Paxton Harvieux.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Ghetto Force Weekly

It's best to get the bad stuff out of the way first.

Bad Things:

Unfortunately I have no particularly good news this week. Our tournament this weekend up at Case Western has been cancelled due to poor weather. I've been told there is still a lot of snow on the ground up in Cleveland. The tournament is being postponed to the same week we are to travel to Chicagoland to play in Rockford so we will be looking for an alternative tournament. Also, it's still 20 degrees outside with an ice storm coming this weekend on Sunday.

Go away Winter, no one likes you anymore.

Good Things.

We no longer have to play in a tournament that was sure to be very cold, that is always a plus. If I get classes off on Monday I wouldn't be that upset. Also, March is approaching which contains the best holiday ever invented. Yes I am talking about the holiday that this campus goes crazy over every year. Indeed, EARTH DAY 2014 is close upon us!

Better go buy some green shirts!

Monday, February 17, 2014

The Dirty Dozen

Nothing like a little post-match Bro-ga

Please Note: Ian's Face

Florida Warmup Final Update

We made it about an hour ago to our hotel in northern Atlanta after playing 2 games this morning. Florida is behind us and the cold has caught back up with us. Although even at night it only gets to around 40 in Atlanta. People don't know how good they have it sometimes.

On Day 2 of the tournament we had a packed day of 4 games straight against Florida, Texas A&M, Texas (eventual tournament winners), and Central Florida. Coming off a tough day 1, seeing that lineup of teams can be a little demoralizing. UCF lost to Pittsburgh in the College National Finals last year. But we were determined to see this tournament through and play a lot of good Ultimate.

Game 4 against Florida was the windiest game of the entire tournament. We usually played in low wind games, it probably never gusted to more than 5 miles per hour. Not for this game though in which gusts were swirling and unpredictable up to 25 miles per hour. Even with some great plays being made by Steve Jira (who had a solid 1/3 of our scores on Saturday), Ian Cannon, Mark Fed, and Alan Huels we were run down. Florida, with a full roster, hucked every downwind opportunity to wear out our team. They would beat us 3 - 13.

Florida weather is a little unpredictable
Game 5 was against a relatively new upstart program in Texas A&M. They brought a pretty large team all the way from Texas and seemed unplagued by the travel issues that effected nearly every team at the tournament. We started off the game well, going point for point with A&M up until it was 3-3. After missing a grab on a swing pass, Alan chased down and completed a Greatest Throw to John Bayer across field. It was a pretty amazing moment. A&M with a very loud and active sideline went completely silent. This was probably because they needed a few moments to help each other pick their jaws off the ground. Alan's Greatest (which we would've had on camera if Peaches had been able to make it) definitely was the best individual play of the weekend. A&M would unfortunately pull away and win 5 - 13.

This description of Alan's Greatest is not as good as video, It's just a tribute
Game 6 with The University of Texas was another tough game. Texas also had a large roster which was certainly not to our advantage. We really struggled to hand with Texas. I think it was during this game that the weekend started to catch up with guys who were playing a lot of points. The hustle was there, our guys were playing hard but simple mechanics started to fall apart. There were a lot of bad drops and bad throws. I actually don't remember  the exact final score (as of this post, it appears the USAU has taken down Score Reporter?) but it came out to be something like 2 - 13. Not the game we wanted but because it was over rather quickly we had a lot of time to regroup for our final game of the day.

What playing against Texas felt like (Bonus: Awesome Stache)
Game 7 was definitely our best game of the day and probably the best of the entire tournament for Ghetto Force. UCF is a well coached team that competes hard every year and they have staggering depth. They had lost 2 key games Saturday and did not view us as an easy match despite our record. They played a full squad the entire game, because they had to. The game started off very well, Mark and Alan connected on a few long passes and the handler movement was really good. John Bayer had an immaculate score sheet for this game and caught a lot of bad throws at the expense of his body. In typical fashion for the weekend, we played with UCF close until it was 4 - 4. Even with some more great catches by Steven Moore, Brandon Rush, and Bob Strohmeyer, we could no longer keep competing with UCF's onslaught of players. Orlando is only about 2 hours from Tampa. That's like cheating. UCF would win it 7 - 13.

After Saturday's games we rallied at the hotels and watched a replay of the USA vs. Russia Men's Olympic Hockey game. 3 points for capitalism and only 2 for communism. Suck it Putin.

Game 8 on Sunday morning was a new day and a chance to get a better result for at least 1 of our last 2 games. Starting off against Georgia Tech, the 3 day tournament had taken away most of our edge. Cuts and reaction times felt slow which is really bad when you play a good team like Georgia Tech. Mark Fed had some great hucks that game but really there was little else to speak of. Tech won 3 - 15.

Game 9 was our final game against the first team we played at the tournament, Two-lane (Tulane). In the interest of getting people to their flights in time Alan and the other captain agreed to play only to 11 with open lines. This way we could finally start to rest some of the guys who saw a lot of playing time this weekend which is really important when you consider that this is the first tournament of a long Spring season. In this game we tried out some new stuff and without a doubt the game MVP was SuperTim Willer. Tim was put into the handler spot for what was probably the first time in his life. Using his gargantuan intellect and overall awesomeness, Tim did a great job on offense. Then we went on defense and NBA Jammed a disc on a guy who had probably a whole foot on Tim. Keeping up with his moniker, Dylan "Sticky Bandit" Corwin made fantastic catches on discs that had not business being caught. Upside down, at his face, in a gale wind, or covered in razor blades - Sticky can catch anything. I also remember Brandon Rush jumping higher than I've ever seen him jump to make a D. How he had that much in the tank on our 9th game for it is beyond me. Tulane would win it 8 - 11

Florida was really fun. It was interesting to see other teams and how they operate. Every team does something a little different which was great to see. Although we never won a game, this tournament was an excellent learning experience. If we could accomplish this much with 11 dudes and an old wizard, one wonders what we could do with the rest of the team and those we missed this weekend. Sam, Jordan, Tardio, and Peaches.

Next time, everyone is riding in the van. Even if it's with a Polka band
That tournament didn't get me down, it got me excited. Losses are just an investment in learning. Which is good because I was never one for all that book learnin'.

Let's go Ghetto


**Also, thanks for reading! I don't think the blog has ever reached over 1000 page view in a month. You guys are great.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Have burn, will travel (during throw)

Too sunburnt and tired. Will post a tournament recap tomorrow.


Friday, February 14, 2014

Turnt and Burnt

Day 1 has come and gone and I am glad to say that our merry band of 12 remains as such. We have suffered no major injuries. Our lovely team from the frozen north does now bear strange patches of sunburn though. If you took all the sunburnt patches from each person you could probably form a new person. We thought about trying this ritual but Dylan Corwin was not OK with donating his calves.

He already even has the correct catching form!
We got up at 7:00ish and went in teams down to the free continental breakfast. Outside, we walked into weather that has driven the local population to their knees. It was 50 degrees and sunny, most people I saw were wearing jeans and winter coats. Tim Willer started sweating just crossing the streets to the fields. Florida weather is awesome. The amount of times I mention that fact may be a psychological justification of effort after driving as long as I did.

It was probably 75 degrees when this picture was taken
At around 8:00 AM, South Florida's campus was deserted. I have yet to see people who look like college students on this campus. After we warmed up we had our first game of the day against Tulane.

Tulane is a surprisingly good team this year. They went to Santa Barbara a few weeks ago with only 7 people (they sympathized with our lack of players due to cancelled flights) and went 3 - 1 during pool play. This in mind, we came out and played like a team that hadn't played outside yet all year. Sloppily. Our defense was passive and best and we scored by throwing hucks to our tall people, Steve Moore and Alan. The score ended up 5 - 13 for the bad guys. However we weren't that upset, its hard to be upset about dang near anything when the sun is shining and it's a balmy 70 degrees out.

Carleton was our next game and we were most turnt indeed for this rematch. Last year at Florida Warm Up, our battered band of Ultimate brotatos played maybe one of the best games of UD's Ultimate's existence. Ghetto played a valiant game last year, losing only on hard cap by 1 point. It was the carrot that got us to make this ridiculous journey south yet again. Even without the 4 guys we lost to cancelled flights, we were ready for a great game. We started with the disc and walked right down the field and scored on a Mark Fed hammer to Steve Moore. It was a great statement to make to start the game. Carleton was not going to be able to sleep on us. We traded points for the first 4 points but eventually our legs started to give out some. Carleton took half ahead 4 - 7. But we did not roll over, we kept playing hard but we suffered from a lack of dudes. Carleton brought 27 people, we had 12. Carleton won 8 - 13.

The only college accredited in teaching this dance
Our last game of the day was against South Florida. Unfortunately, our previous loss followed by a long bye round took a lot of wind out of our sails. South Florida had come off playing a close game with Pitt, eventually losing a close game. We came out flat. Flatter than Kansas or an open can of Coke left in a car on a long hot summer day. South Florida, through a series of ridiculous catches/drops on our part. South Florida took half 1 - 7. This did not make us very happy so we actually started playing again and played our best Ultimate of the whole day. After a series of amazing points the game was brought back to 8 - 10. But the legs just gave out again and South Florida out hucked us 9 - 13.

All and all it was a good day. We played against some of the better teams in the entire College series in Tulane and Carleton. In no way are we discouraged by today, tomorrow is a new day and we're looking forward to spoil some other team's weekend while we soak up some rays.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Well, We're here

I am going to keep this post simple and to the point.

Here is my hour by hour chain of events from the drive from Dayton, Ohio to Tampa, Florida.

Things that happened before 12:00 AM Thursday:

Sam Newell and Jordan Manke's flights were cancelled. They were unable to secure alternative forms of transportation and will not be able to make it this weekend.

12:00 AM - A Pontiac G6 and Honda Odyssey consisting of 9 Ghetto Forcers leave 410 Stonemill Road. Road conditions are good and spirits are high.
2:00 AM - Rapsheet lands in Tampa, Florida.
3:00 AM - The land transport vehicles make it to the mountains in Kentucky. This would normally not be a problem except mother nature decided to start snowing. Quoting concerns over my own life, I turned the reins over to Dylan Corwin who man moded it through the mountains. He made that Pontiac drive like a snow plow. In fact, he drove it better than a snow plow as we saw 2 stranded on the side of the road. It was at this point that I started to wonder if I was going to die.
4:00 AM - Waffle house. An older gentleman from Tennessee laughs at us for driving through the storm as he climbs into the cab of his 4X4 Ford F-350.
5:00 AM - We escape the mountains. Barely.
9:00 AM - Tennessee was thankfully uneventful and the roads were well maintained.
10:00 AM - Atlanta, Georgia was hilariously shut down. 2 lanes were open all the way through the city yet I saw:
  • At least 20+ abandoned cars
  • <10 Cars on the road with Georgia license plates
  • The 10 Georgia Cars that were on the road had (I shit you not) chains on their tire. Chains.
  • A semi truck on its side with the driver standing beside it, staring at it, and scratching his head.
11:00 AM - We stopped at a chicken restaurant called "Zaxbys" which was like a really average version of Cane's chicken
12:00 PM - After several enticing billboards offering Pecans and Strippers throughout South Georgia (with Trucker Parking in rear!), we cross the state line into Florida. It was only slightly before this state boundary that we saw the last vestiges of snow on the ground. It was at this point that we learned that Mark Fedorenko had been rerouted to Orlando. Alan's van goes to go pick him up.
2:00 PM - Word comes in that Jack Hanson and Peaches' flights have been cancelled, They will be missing the tournament as well. I cry large crocodile tears. 
4:00 PM - My car finally makes it to the hotel except the hotel could not follow simple instructions that John Bayer had dictated which would allow me to check in. Therefore we dropped Ian and Dylan off in order to...
6:00 PM - We pick up Rapsheet from the airport (after we sat in traffic for 2 more awesome hours)
7:00 PM - I eat at Chile's and had desert. I forgot at this point that it was still Thursday.
9:30 PM - I pick up John Bayer from the airport bringing up my total car time on the day to about 18 hours.

We start playing tomorrow at 9:00, I should have a blog post up recap for each day so please keep coming back. Everything that could possibly go wrong has already gone wrong. With logic like that, we will have to start clearing room in my Pontiac for a new trophy.

Shout Out to Steve Jira, Brandon Rush, and Dylan Corwin who helped Alan and I drive. 

Step aside Robinson Crusoe. At least your desert island didn't have snow on it.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Operation Shock and Thaw

In light of the team leaving the frozen tundra of southwestern Ohio I have taken the liberty to develop a plan of attack on this mystical place called "Florida".

Step 1: Travel

Florida is pretty far away from Ohio.

That's a lot of miles
The team will be traveling by Van and Plane to a place called Tampa Bay. Fortunately Tampa Bay has several similarities with Cleveland in that they both have very crappy NFL Football teams so we should feel at home.

Step 2: Master Local Fauna

Ain't he cute!
Nothing quite says preparation for a premier Ultimate tournament like wrestling Alligators. So we're going to cover Jack Hanson in taco bell ground beef and sending him for a little swim in the everglades. But don't worry, I've seen like 3 episodes of Swamp People so I feel qualified to wrestle with an Alligator. Also, considering Florida's stance on firearms, it shouldn't be too difficult to acquire an Alligator hunting rifle.

Step 3: Thaw

This post needed a Star Wars reference
After we have fashioned a year's supply worth of alligator skin boots and wallets, we must thaw from the rigors of Siberian Dayton winter. It is hard to throw a thumber when your thumb has been frozen to your index finger for 3 weeks. We are going to have to tan until our skin is at least no longer reflecting light.

Step 4: Shock

This part of the plan is fairly obvious.

We leave a week from Thursday.

Get stoked (and yoked).


Thursday, January 30, 2014

Tentative Spring 2014 Schedule

Hi all, I have received this schedule from the captains. Please feel free to come and cheer/heckle us on.

February 8          Cedarville Scrimmage @ Home
February 14-16   Florida Warm Up @ Tampa Bay, Florida (A Only)
March 1-2          Case Western Tournament @ Cleveland, Ohio (A, Potentially B)
March 15-16      Boogie Nights @ Oxford, Ohio (B Only)
March 22-23      The Rock @ Rockford, Illinois (A and B)***

Mid April            Sectionals @ Versailles, Ohio
Late April            Regionals @ Undetermined Location

College Nationals will be in lovely Cincinnati, Ohio (technically Mason, Ohio).

Case tournament is not 100%

*** We actually received a sponsorship from Ultiworld (for the tournament) in a blind application selection. Alan did most of the work and I added some '"Flavor".